Monday, April 13, 2015

Giving Yourself Grace

I'm not going to sugarcoat it...I feel like garbage today. I woke up at 4:00 this morning feeling like my heart was going to explode out of my chest, and it hasn't really stopped. (Don't worry. I have called the doctor. It seems that it can be a normal thing, and my pulse rate isn't high enough to send me to the hospital just yet.) I feel jittery and anxious...not like myself at all. I don't like it.

I feel like times like these, where I feel out of sorts, is one of the easiest places for Satan to interject fear and discontentment into me. Even when I first woke up, I had thoughts just racing through my mind about everything I've been dropping the ball on, everything I've failed at, everything I am unsure of. (Let's be honest, there's a WHOLE BUNCH of those things lately.)

I tried-and am trying- really hard to take deep breathes and focus on all of the good things God has given me lately. There are a WHOLE BUNCH of those too!

I am grateful for a husband who cleaned up our kid's puke in the middle of the night Saturday so I didn't have to. I am thankful that God worked his perfect timing for me to "accidentally" be getting a pedicure at the exact same time as one of my very favorite people so we got to sit and chat. I am grateful for friends and family that love on Justin and me in times where we're trying to figure out what's to come. I am thankful for friends who give you grace when you cancel plans at the last second with a sick kid. I am grateful for people who write funny books about friendship that let me escape for a minute. (Seriously, read Nobody's Cuter than You!!!) I am thankful for an amazing phone nurse at my doctor's office who calls me right back and never acts like I'm crazy. I am grateful for a God who knew today would be horrible so He gave me the time and ability to get everything done that I needed to last week. Those little things mean huge things when  you are struggling.

I really wanted to share this too. I've been reading Jen Wilkin's book, Women of the Word. It's all about taking and studying the scriptures for yourself. She has a whole chapter on patience, and this jumped off the page at me. I'll let Jen preach it for herself. 

"Some months, just keeping body and soul together for my family seemed to occupy almost every waking moment. I don't consider those months to have been lost time or setbacks to my growth. They were times to employ patience, not with active learning of the Scriptures, but with waiting on the Lord. They deepened my desire for study. Some of my most fruitful times of teaching and writing occurred immediately after just such a period of waiting.
If a stage of life is making it difficult for you to set aside regular time for study--either with a group or in your own personal efforts-please hear me say this: That's okay. Give the Lord what you can and trust that he will honor your faithfulness in the small things. Trust that the Lord knows your circumstances better than you do and that he sees your desire to learn and grow. And trust that those times are being used to mature you--to teach you that it is a privilege to be able to devote yourself to learning and studying, and to write more deeply on your heart the truths you have already learned." --Jen Wilkin


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