This morning I had my first official freak out moment to myself. I was looking at my calendar and got completely overwhelmed by everything that is coming up. All I could think is that there is no possible way I can get everything done that I need to before my maternity leave (in 9 weeks-not counting spring break) or before my due date in less than 14 weeks. Every day that I come home from work, all I want to do is sit down, not think, or SLEEP--and that is just with regular school days! Add in tutorials, after school meetings, preparing for our shower, getting Em's room together, baby classes, maternity leave lesson plans, getting ready for our new state test, coordinating our school carnival, doing my end of year coordinator duties early, daily life of laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc and I am OVERWHELMED.
Which is dumb.
Let's be real. Emerson is not going to notice or care if she comes home to a less than perfect room. My students will survive the last 5 weeks of school without me or any kind of spectacular lesson. The school carnival will go on without me being there and other people will (hopefully) step up to get the job done. It really doesn't matter if the laundry is done or if I have dust 13 inches thick around my house. I have a great support system of family and friends who will help me when I need it. It will all be okay.
It's like eating an elephant...You have to do it one bite at a time.
Once I got that through my head (after a good hour or two of soul searching) I realized that this is not how I want to spend the next 14ish weeks. I want to enjoy this final time that Justin and I have as a twosome. I want to hang out with my friends before I have a baby stuck to my hip. I want to get as much sleep as my body will allow me now. I want to have lazy Saturdays with nothing to do, seeing as they are probably light years away from us once Emerson comes. I want to enjoy it.
That may sound easy, but it's not when you are a control freak like me. I am going to have to let go of some things and not care about hurting people's feelings. I'm going to have to not care if my house is not perfect when so-and-so shows up. I'm going to have to say "no" and not care if someone gets mad at me. (yikes!)
See the trend? I have to stop caring about all of these outside expectations. It has to be about what is best for me, Justin, Emerson, and my sanity.
So, I feel somewhat better now. I just have to keep telling myself to take one bite at a time. That elephant will disappear before you know it.